Snosby is my OTP

The Afterlife of Severus Snape

“Look at me,” he rasped out. The boy paused, and Severus drank in the sight of the sweater he was wearing. It was undoubtedly made by the Weasley’s brat’s mother, but it looked so like his …

He closed his eyes, and everything went dark for a few minutes. When he opened them, he was sitting in the childhood park where he’d once played with Lily Evans, where he’d retreated when it seemed certain he’d lost her forever, just after she married that fool Potter.

Severus looked around hopefully, but he wasn’t there. Dumbledore, however, was, merrily swinging.

Severus walked over and sat on the swing nearest the trees at the edge of the park. “I’ve failed, then. I’m dead.”

“Dead? I’m afraid so, my boy. But failed?” Dumbledore looked into the distance for a moment, pumping his legs, his robe occasionally sweeping up to show some calf. “No. No, you haven’t failed.”

“The Brat who Lived will defeat the Dark Lord, then?” His face twisted into a sneer when the ridiculousness of that sentence struck him. Too many titles.

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. “I believe he will. You kept him safe —”

“It’s not as if I wanted to,” Severus muttered belligerently, hoping he’d not mixed in his most treasured memories. He didn’t want anyone knowing about that.

“— and your memories will help him grain victory.”

Severus digested this in silence as Dumbledore swung higher. “So I can move on then?”

“If you’d like,” Dumbledore said. “But we’re waiting for someone to join us.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at the old man, who gracefully leapt from the swing and floated down to the ground. “Who?”

“Why don’t you turn around and see for yourself?”

Severus whipped around, but there was no one in the trees. He turned back to ask Dumbledore a question, but it died on his lips when he saw his mentor was gone. Scowling, he turned back around — and saw a brightly patterned sweater, and above it, a face he’d never hoped to see again.

“Severus!” Bill said, delight plain in his voice. “I’ve been waiting and hoping to see you again, lurking around and scowling and eating jigglers after dinner.”

Severus couldn’t speak. In fact, he could barely blink. And he realized in horror, when he tried, that there were tears in his eyes.

“I got us a picnic right through these trees over there,” Bill said. “There’s sandwiches and lemonade and pudding pops. I know it’s not the Forbidden Forest, but you do still like picnics, don’t you?”

Severus cleared his throat. “Yes,” he creaked out, and swallowed painfully. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”

And Bill Cosby took Severus Snape’s hand and led him into the afterlife.

A Treat For Bill

Twenty-four hours. That was four times the wait time of the normal version, but this was Snape’s first attempt at recreating the treat with potions he had on hand. Heading towards the small fridge at the back of his office where he kept certain concoctions, he found himself holding his breath. Would it be a success? This was the moment of truth.

Opening the fridge door, he found the bowl he was looking for and gently took a silver spoon out and tapped the substance. The red liquid made a quiet splash and Snape couldn’t help but sigh out of frustration. It hadn’t solidified in the least.

A failure.

He knew it would be much easier to just find the product on a grocery shelf and make it that way, but somewhere along the line it had become a goal of his to make it under his own power with the skills he took so much pride in.

“I knew you’d be here,” a familiar voice said, breaking the silence of the room. “What’s so interesting in that fridge of yours today?”

“None of your business,” Snape snapped back, a little too defensively. There was no way he was going to let Bill find out about the truth.

Unfortunately the sweater-clad man moved with the swiftness and stealth of a hawk and soon Snape found himself face-to-face with the gently smiling man. Looking beyond the flustered Snape, Bill noticed a bowl in the background filled with a suspicious red liquid.

“Did you try to make some jello?” He asked, grinning at the idea. His suspicions were silently confirmed when Snape refused to meet his eyes. “Hmm…let me try it. You know how much I love jello.”

“No,” Snape commanded. “It’s…not jello.” The last line uttered sounded just a touch sad. Perhaps he tried to make some and failed…?

Bill Cosby reached over and grabbed the bowl out of the fridge, ignoring the flailing Snape and the excuses he was half-shouting. He placed a single finger inside the liquid. “I’ll be the judge of that.” Taking his finger out, he put it right to his mouth and let the flavour tingle his taste buds.

“Delicious.”

A Sweater Built 4 2

One fine hogwartzy day, Bill walked into the Potions dungeons.

“Bill, I’ve told you many times muggles aren’t allowed in Hogwarts” said Severus.

“But, babe, I wanted to show you something.”

“Fine, come here.”

Bill walked towards Snape with a smile on his face that suggested he was hiding something.

“I see you have something behind your back” said Severus.

“Hehe yes I got you something from Monkey Wards yesterday.”

“What the devil is Monkey Wards?”

“It’s a type of department sto… nevermind, just have a look see”.

Bill revealed what was behind his back - it was a wool sweater that contained nearly every color of the rainbow and then some. However, it seemed to be nearly four sizes too large.

“Cosby, what’s the meaning of this?” asked Severus.

“Hehe, why don’t you try it on?”

“You know it’s way too large for me Cosby.”

“Hehe, I know, it’s a sweater for TWO” said Bill.

Severus tugged the sweater over his head. “I look ridiculous” he said. Bill knelt down and climbed under the sweater so that they were both under it at the same time. Bill’s eyes met Severus’s, and their lips soon followed.






THE END(?)

haiku 4 snosby

colorful sweater

against billowing black robes

on the dungeon floor

~by Anon

SNOSBY STOCHRIE JEWISH DANCING FIC

“Why are we doing this again?” Snape muttered to Cosby as their groomsmen hoisted them high in the air.

Cosby grabbed at the wooden seat of his chair as it tipped at an alarming angle and laughed. “It’s a traditional Jewish wedding dance.”

“We’re not Jewish!”

“But we’re quirky!”

“No, you’re quirky,” Snape retorted. “I’m the one who wanted to go to a justice of the peace and do this quietly… and safely,” he added breathlessly as he nearly slid off his perch and onto the heads of the wedding guests below. “Watch it, Mochrie!” he admonished the balding man who was struggling to guide his chair.

“Sorry,” came the grunted reply. “But you’re not exactly Ryan Stiles, you know.”

Snape shook his head and looked around at the guests, who danced boisterously to the lively strains of the hora, clapping and cheering as he and Cosby were paraded about the reception hall. A grudging smile softened his expression as he looked over at Cosby. “I have a feeling that this is just the tip of the quirky iceberg for us.”

“Well, you have the rest of our lives to find out.” Cosby’s gazed locked on Snape’s and he smiled. Snape’s breath caught in his chest and he forgot about his discomfort. Until…

“Colin! Watch where you’re going!” The shout from below carried over the noise of the crowd. Startled, Snape jerked his head up – just as he pitched face forward, grappling futilely at the air as he bounced off the shoulders of a few wedding guests before landing on the floor. The wind was knocked out of him and he was unable to scream at the sight before his horrified eyes. From above, he heard Cosby voice his anguish for him.

“OH FOR THE LOVE OF JELLO PUDDING POPS!”

For a moment the world went black. When he dared open his eyes again, he found himself surrounded by a sea of anxious faces. Cosby was crouched beside him while the rest of the crowd simply stood around him in a circle, the horrified silence nearly palpable. To his left, Ryan clutched at the chair that he’d caught too late. Snape eyed the wooden leg that had served as a deadly weapon as Ryan cleared his throat, breaking the silence.

“Ouch. That’s gonna put a damper on the honeymoon…”

What’s a fandom without mpreg?